I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My feet surprised me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
