Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
