She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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