i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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