i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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