Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
