Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
