WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
What a dumb baby whore.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
