I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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