New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
