Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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