Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
