If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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