The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My vagina is very pro this idea
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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