Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
