Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
