ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
