Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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