My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
