Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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