i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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