i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We need to get me chipped asap
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