yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
