I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
