this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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