I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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