Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
