WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
