I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
