How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
