does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
