I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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