he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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