aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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