Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
