I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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