"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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