We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
