Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
