I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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