I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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