Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
