I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
