I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
