Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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