I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
