somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
