best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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