You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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