I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
