I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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